Loosing your best friend

May 15, 2022

I see you for the first time. Your head bobs out of the cardboard box you traveled in. Our blue eyes meet. You’re still so small. And your fur is so soft. You’re a bit timid at first but soon your heart melts, or maybe it’s mine. And you don’t care and I don’t care that we don’t know each other yet and all you want to do is play and run and cuddle and get scratches and be loved.

I love you.

I wake up in the middle of the night to your whining. I flip the light switch on to see that there is poop and pee and more poop and more pee everywhere but on the newspapers set up on the floor for you.

Well, I didn’t see this one coming. You look so gullible I can’t be mad. So we clean up the mess in the middle of the night and you set yourself into a roll in your own bed and I go back to mine.

I love you.

How can you run that fast? You’ve grown so much and it’s only been what, six months since we met? You love zipping to and fro on the summer green grass and catching that pink frisbee straight from the air. You always bring it over but then you start the game of “I’m not going to give it to you or will I?”. 

You have so much energy and love and passion and you can’t get enough of running and getting scratched and cuddled and kissed.

You’re funny. I love you.

A year goes by in a flash and you’re all grown up. But you’re different now. You get all jacked up when you see other males and you try to fight them. Can you please not do that. It makes me feel terrible and it makes me feel aggressive too and I yell at you to stop it and pull your leash. I’m sorry. You never yell back or get mad at me. You’re too good for me. 

I love you.

Two years go by and you’re stronger and faster and more gullible and the best friend I’ve ever had. We’ve never had this much snow and sun and even though it’s cold you can’t get enough of eating the snowballs I throw for you. 

Remember that frozen lake we went to and I let you go free and you loved it? You ran so fast after that red ball of yours. But then you started that game where you didn’t want to come back to me. I called for you for so long. Then I ran after you but you knew you could outrun me. Soon I got fed up and started walking back home. And you came to me but as I turned around you ran away again. It got me really worried. What if you fled and got hit by a car? I figured if I started running away you’d come after me and maybe I could catch you. And so I did. You got worried I was going to leave you and you tried to catch me and then I turned around and caught you and yelled at you for trying to flee and I cried and I hugged you and I made you swear you’d never ever scare me like that again.

I love you.

Another few years went by and we go back to the island we go to every summer. Even though you hate that boat ride in your red life vest, you’re so happy when it’s over and you jump on the old wooden dock and run around like possessed on the bare rock at the shore. You love that freedom you have on the island and I can’t blame you.

Your long white, grey, black and brown fur flows through the air as you skim through the reeds. Every now and then your head bobs up from the middle of the reeds or weeds or from a bush and you check in on me. Sometimes you disappear for an hour and when you come back you look exhausted. Your fur all tangled up and your tong hanging out and you drink like you could exhaust the Niagara Falls.

I love you.

But then comes the day you didn’t see coming. Well, maybe you saw it coming in your own way. You’ve seen me pack up my stuff into boxes. You’ve seen your mom and I crying and arguing. You’ve spent more time away at your grandparent’s place. Your mom and I are breaking up after seven long years of being together. I’m heartbroken, you’re heartbroken, she’s devastated. I hug you and I weep and you put your paw on my shoulder to comfort me as you always do. You’re the best friend I ever had. I’m going to miss you so much. I promise I’ll come and see you where ever you are.

A black and white photo of the author Jussi's smiling face with shortcut hair and a short beardJussi Tarvainen

Former pro snowboarder. Author at night. Multi(failed)-entrepreneur. And mostly an awesome designer (said, my five-year-old son).

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